Your Tiny Feet

You came to me at an inopportune time

Life was complicated and muddled then,

I was running around in circles

Already caring for a beautiful baby boy

Nobody knew you were growing in me

Hiding my truth until I could no more

I was not ready to engage in false pretenses

Disguising my disappointment for the unexpected surprise

And as the days went by,

I accepted and welcomed your presence

You were growing healthy and strong

Preparing life now for a family of four

Your kicks and hiccups were keeping me up at night

I was happy feeling your fluttering inside

But life had a cruel twist for me

It had accepted my initial rejection as a mandate

My body was not the fertile ground you needed

And, at eight months, your tiny heart stopped beating

I saw your lifeless shape on the ultrasound screen

I didn't know what I was seeing until I read the Doctor's face

He had no words and simply said, "She died; I am sorry for your loss"

I screamed so loud, and I exclaimed, No!

Doctor, what are you saying? You must be wrong!

I couldn't comprehend the awful news

But I had no choice but to accept this fate

A baby without life was now in me, and still needed a way out

The process was heartbreaking, but love was in the room at all times

Kind nurses provided comforting words and held my hand

Preparing me for the worst moment of my life

You came without a sound, and eyes closed

A lullaby that was never meant to be sung

A perfect little baby without the spark of life

I was scared to meet you, but I still did

I carried you in my arms with a mother's love

Your daddy took you in his arms and sobbed

They let us keep you for a while

Meeting you for the first time while saying goodbye

I grabbed your tiny hands and kissed your tiny feet

I didn't want to let you go

I knew it was the last time I could have you in my arms

My heart was exploding with sorrow and guilt

Knowing that you had been all but a dream

You came to me all but a brief moment in time

But your memory will always live in me

I know I will see you again, you and me together once more

Your tiny feet are seared in my thoughts

As a sweet memory of your brief presence in this world.